You had me at cunt punt: If looks could kill, my job would be soooooo much easier.

Yes, it is NSFW Thursday. Didn’t you get the memo? New York, Gawker, and Deadspin all have a very good time with a beyond steamin’ email launched by a University of Maryland Delta Gamma sorority sister—a “board member,” apparently—aimed at retarded Delta Gamma asswipes who don’t know how to make a man happy, particularly Sigma Nu guys, Delta Gamma’s “matchup,” who are like so much cooler than Delta Gamma asswipes deserve that I don’t even want to talk about it. The email, written by “‘Becca,” whom I will not further identify because I don’t want my, um, butt kicked, contains the following passage, among many:

I’ve not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the Greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

As Deadspin’s Drew Magary remarked, “You had me at cunt punt.”

Naturally, shit like this bounces, around the Internet, turning up in dramatic readings by Michael Shannon