Well, it is. The hand puppet that Mel Gibson talks to in his in the can but not yet on the screen (and apparently not going to get there any time soon) new flick The Beaver really is a beaver, a buck-toothed, tree-cuttin’, dam-buildin’ beaver. You were thinking maybe kind of a vagina dialogues kind of thing?
Well, I was, which just goes to show you what kind of mind I have. So the title was just an unfortunate coincidence—the moral being, I guess, that if you’re going to accuse your tartacious Russian babe girlfriend of being rape-bait for abos, you shouldn’t use a whacking double entendre as the title of your next motion picture.
Since I’ve already used the word “beaver” in the title of this post, I’m not going to post a picture of Oksana Grigorieva, whose name alone, to my mind, could launch a thousand ships. What is it with these raven-tressed, pouty-lipped, sloe-eyed Russian beauties, eh? Where precisely did they come from? Well, they’re here, and nothing can be done about it.
Choosing between Oksana and Mel is a toughie. You have to feel sorry for Oksana. I mean, first she’s a mom and now she’s forty. I mean, what’s a Slavic bad girl to do but break out the six-inch heels and the fuck me firmly frocks? But what about Mel? He’s 54 and feelin’ it. He left his wife of umpteen years to chase after Oksana so he could feel young. Now she’s dressin’ to make him feel, well, older than Michael Douglas, I guess.
I searched the web for “Mel Gibson says ‘nigger’” jokes, but didn’t come with that many. David Letterman did a Top Ten list, but sort of tiptoed around the specifics. A geezer with chick troubles is something Dave doesn’t much enjoy discussing in detail these days, apparently.
The best joke I could find actually dates back to Mel’s earlier “Jews start all the wars but I own Malibu” contretemps, which inspired Conan O’Brien to say “Jews were embarrassed by Gibson’s overt anti-Semitism. Catholics were embarrassed by his inability to hold his liquor.”
