Ya gotta have friends, or at least one friend

Add New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to the list of Republican candidates and non-candidates who assert that we must not “turn our back on the world.” Republicans insist that the U.S. must be engaged continuously in some manner of good works all around the globe—which mostly but not entirely means either killing people or selling them weapons. All this altruism is touching on the Republicans’ part—touching but confusing, because Republicans basically detest foreigners.

Worst, of course, are the Europeans, too lazy and decadent to attack us ourselves, but all too willing to tolerate those who would attack us, and far too spineless to stand up to the Russians, who are almost as terrible as they used to be. Then there’s China, who’s eating our lunch, and our breakfast, and our dinner, and threatening our “interests” all down the line. The Japanese? Well, they’re not as bad as they used to be, but they’re still not helping. The Mexicans? You know the answer to that one.

Republicans hate the world, with the exception of Israel, of course, whom they love, but they want to save the world, not for the world’s sake, but for the sake of having an enemy. Since terrorism seems to be falling off the map, and voters seem to be getting a little tired of those body bags that keep trickling back from Iraq and Afghanistan, we need to keep up a fresh stock of enemies, preferably those who won’t actually attack us, but who will complain in a satisfactory manner from time to time when we provoke them.

In the “real world,” nations seeks allies who are big and powerful, and who can offer them assistance. But in the Republican fantasy world, we only seek allies who are small and weak, who will get us into trouble, nations like Georgia (pisses off Russia) and Taiwan (pisses of China) and Israel* (pisses off everybody). Because without constant threats, the whole military-industrial complex, and the whole Republican political superstructure built upon it, falls to the ground.

Afterwords
Democrats are almost as eager to keep the military-industrial complex running as the Republicans, but for the Democrats it’s entirely a pork-barrel thing (a pork-barrel thing and a please don’t get mad us Mr. Pentagon thing). But it’s the Republicans who desire worldwide sturm und drang as a way of life.