Tag: cartoon

Legal humor here. “Yucca Flats. Why?”* “I’m sure it does surprise you. It surprises everybody. But it wouldn’t surprise ole Bobby Oppenheimer.” “It’s just like a horse, ceptin’ it don’t eat apples. Not without taking your whole damn arm off at the same time, leastwise.” “Cause the seagulls ate all the little ones, that’s why.”…

Legal humor here. “‘If it wasn’t San Andreas fault, whose was it?’ Wow, girlfriend, I walked into that one eyes wide open.” “Did the earth move for me too? Totally.” “No wonder they were so anxious to sell.” “They’re not widening, they’re closing. In a month, you won’t even notice them.” “Why does this shit…

Legal humor here. “Okay. Deegan sucks. Riverside sucks. Bruckner sucks. FDR sucks. Bronx River sucks. Tell me something I don’t know.” “Well, if we don’t reach Van Courtlandt Park by midnight, I’m turning into a fucking pumpkin. You deal with that.” “I think I’ve had just about enough of Pachelbel’s canon, thank you very much….

Legal humor here. “What did I tell you? Ten years ago, this car would be nothing but ‘gators. The Bronx has totally gone to hell.” “Don’t worry, folks. My buddy and me, we’re out for fun, not for food. But if you could help us score a couple of tickets to “The Inexplicable Redemption of…

Legal humor here. “I’m not splitting hairs. You’re sitting next to her. It’s your job to ask her.” “No, I’m not worried. Why the hell should I be? I can type!” “I think she’s supposed to have a soothing effect on the rest of us, but I totally don’t see it.” “When they hatch, they…

For official, New Yorker-approved humor, go here. “The silent treatment, huh? Fine. I charge double for the silent treatment.” “You feel like a shadow of your former self. You feel you have no depth. You feel that if you turned sideways you’d be invisible. You feel that you’re two-dimensional. Don’t you see, Bob? There’s a…

For official humor, go here. “You don’t need a helmet. You’ve got a halo. That takes care of everything.” “Yeah, I was expecting an English racer too.” “Welcome to Hell, dude. Yeah, that’s right, Hell. You didn’t believe in global warming either, did you? Here’s how it’s going to be, for all eternity: only one…

For official humor, go here. “Shit, Bob was a vegan! This thing’s taking no prisoners at all!” “‘Eat your vegetables or they’ll eat you’? ‘At least he’s eating local’? ‘That’s one ugly piece of asparagus’? Is that all you can say?” “You remember The Thing? I mean the original, the one directed by Howard Hawks,…

Surrealistic Ben, the da-da man from Harrisburg, Pa., sends us this one. A frog the size of a cow? In central Pennsylvania, all things are possible. “Mom! Mom! Mom! Do we have any flies? You know, some really big ones?” Lois sighed. Jeremy and his frogs. She didn’t know where he got them. “Mom! Mom!…

For the real deal, go here. “No offense, but you girls need new outfits, and I’m the damn Isaac Mizrahi of spandex.” “No, my name is not Clark fucking Kent, it’s Billy fucking Batson. Now give me a damn martini before I SHAZAM your damn ass.” “They all looked like this before they had a…