I’m such a goddamn baby. That fucking Ross Douthat beats me like a fucking drum. It’s my own goddamn fault, and I fall for it every goddamn fucking time.
I go to the fucking New York Times to read Paul Krugman like a good fucking liberal and what do I see? Douthat: A Tough Season for Believers. And what is Ross’s big tale of woe? Exactly what you would expect: “In a sense, of course, there’s no better time to be a Christian than the first 25 days of December. But this is also the season when American Christians can feel most embattled. Their piety is overshadowed by materialist ticky-tack. Their great feast is compromised by Christmukkwanzaa multiculturalism.”
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Ross Douthat blames the commercialization of Christmas on … the Jews (and the blacks).
I’d point out, well, a few things, Ross. For openers, blacks tend to be the most Christian people in the U.S., even though they don’t often vote the way you want them to. As for the Jews, well, Christmas as it is celebrated in the U.S. was basically invented by Macy’s, Gimbel’s, and Irving Berlin. If it wasn’t for the Jews, there wouldn’t be any Christmas.
And, just to get a little secular humanist on your big fat ass, your “great feast” is a phony holiday, just like Hanukkah and Kwanza, created by early Christians to satisfy people who wanted to have “Saturnalia,” invented by the ancient Romans to kill time during the winter. As you probably know, Christmas was not celebrated by the Pilgrims and the Puritans, who regarded the whole thing as Papist bullshit.
It’s really not your fault, Ross. I should know better than to read you. But I really wish you would write in fucking Latin or something, so I couldn’t.
