Legal humor here
“Do you ever feel that you’ve taken this ‘What would Michael do?’ thing as far as you can take it?”
“Well, is it helping you meet chicks? I mean, that’s the real question, isn’t it?”
“Really? Well, I’m from the South, and in the South the dead do pay their bills.”
“Okay, some girls who really cared about you would want to get right in the box with you. But there might also be girls who really cared about you who would want you to get out of the box to be with them. And you’re missing out on those.”
“I think we need to recognize that this is only a palliative for your agoraphobia, and a distinctly temporary one at that.”
“Okay, I’m getting confused. If garlic can kill you, it’s not really a phobia, is it?”
“It’s just that last week you were talking about taking dancing lessons. Is there anything in particular that might have given you this new perspective?”
“Supposing she doesn’t want the gift of eternal life? I think you probably need to explore that option as well.”
“Well, as I understand it, the only “cure” is a stake through the heart, and I’m guessing you don’t want to go there.”
“Teenagers can be very trying, Mrs. Williams. But when your daughter calls you a ‘Goth Mom,’ doesn’t she have a point?”
