Legal humor here.
“Yeah, I was once as you are. And as I am you will be. Makes you think, doesn’t it?”
“You 3-D types are a joke! What’s the point in having volume when you lack breadth?”
“Hey, don’t mind me! I’m invisible!”
“Yeah, he who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed. I’m just sayin’, that’s all. I’m just sayin’.“
“All flesh hath a common end, so why hurry, eh? That’s my question.”
“And then I was looking at my hand, like really looking at it, and I said ‘Harry, if you can’t comprehend your own hand, how can you comprehend your own life?’ And I was like ‘Wow! I gotta lie down for this one!’ And after that I could never think of a reason to get up.”
“Step lively, folks, step lively! ‘Cause Old Man Satan is right behind you, and he don’t stop for nothing’!”
“Yeah, I woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head, found my way downstairs and drank a cup. Looking up I noticed I was late. I found my coat and grabbed my hat, made the bus in seconds flat. Found my way upstairs and had a smoke, somebody spoke and I went into a dream. After that it’s been kind of a blur. Is Nixon still president?”
“So I met this chick and she says ‘Hey, handsome. What are you doing for the rest of your life?’ I’m afraid I didn’t have an answer.”
“They say St. Francis preached to the birds. Well, that’s cool, but did anyone give the guy credit while he was alive? I don’t think so. Everybody loves a saint once he’s dead. But a living saint don’t get bupkis, you know what I’m saying? It ain’t exactly like having tea with the freakin’ queen. Hey, don’t mind me. I’m only Jesus.”
