Pseudo-New Yorker

Legal humor here.

“Le divan, c’est moi, n'est-ce pas?”

“Good! Kitty needs a new scratching post!”

For a moment, Gerald became as one with the sofa, just before Eunice called the movers.

“Ha! Fooled you! That’s the old remote. From now on, Gerald, we’ll be watching nothing but the Lifetime channel.”

“Would it upset you to know that I’ve just adopted a couple of those cute little potbellied pigs? Because I have.”

“Yep, Circe in a housecoat, big boy, that’s what they call me. Be thankful you’re not an ottoman.”

“Okay, hot shot. No more Spice Channel for you!”

Eunice winced. Gerald’s obsession with anal sex had gotten the better of him at last. “Quem deus vult perdere,” she thought, not without a shudder.

“On a second thought, maybe by the window. You can still walk, can’t you?”

Misadventures in Interior Design No. 438: IKEA’s self-assembling “Mr. Sofa” proved to be a step too far for the Scandinavian giant.