Pseudo-New Yorker

Legal humor here.

“Congratulations, big boy. Your life just got interesting.”

“Because I have a new set of antimacassars that simply demand to be seen, that’s why.”

“Yes, it is a change. Welcome to the wonderful world of interpersonal relationships.”

“OK, then, don’t think of me as a secretary. Think of me as a life coach.”

“Because 2013 is going to be the year of handholding, that’s why.”

“I seem to recall you saying something about how I’d never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants. Well, that’s going to change.”

“Because you’re going from Lazy Boy to Crazy Boy, that’s why.”

“Gerald, there comes a point in time when you’ve just got to get up in the morning and put on your big-girl panties. I know that metaphor is overly gender-specific, but you get the picture.”

“Now, I don’t want you to feel threatened. Tim and Andy will just leave it here in the corner so that you can get used to it. That way, when you’re ready to take the next step, you won’t have to go looking for it.”

“It’s not a couch, Gerald. It’s a bridge. A bridge to a better you.”