“Yeah, there are barbershops in New York where you can say ‘oxymoron,’ but this isn’t one of them.”
“Let me give you a tip, Larry. No tip is better than no customer.”
“Let’s just say this shop ain’t ever been unisex, and, Bloomberg or no Bloomberg, it ain’t about to change.”
“How often do I have to tell you, Larry? Don’t let the damn kids play with the damn chairs.”
“Larry, we can’t afford a new ceiling every time a customer tells you he don’t miss Regis Philbin.”
“Don’t feel bad, Larry. It could happen to anyone with the IQ of a two-year-old.”
“Larry don’t like it when guys call him ‘Gertrude.’ It’s something to remember.”
“Your brother in law knows springs, Larry? Does he know ceilings?”
“Guys who think bay rum is for fairies are guys we don’t need, not in this shop.”
“I wonder if he thinks the Mets are pantywaists now.”
