“Au contraire, mademoiselle. ‘Tubby the Tuba’ is not a cliché. It is a gift of the gods.”
“Let me just warn you ahead of time. I intend to get all Katy Perry on your ass with this one.”
“I love castanets. I just don’t work with castanets.”
“Why not ‘Feelings’? Because it’s 2013, babe.”
“And, during the Renaissance, the tuba was known as Cupid’s consort and the handmaid of Eros.”
“I’m not saying you’re a racist. I just don’t get a lot of requests for ‘Old Black Joe.’”
“It’s a simple, three-chord blues, but it leaves me a lot of room to improvise.”
“Honey, this hunk of brass is not a conversation piece. This hunk of brass is twenty-seven feet of soul.”
“The zither was giving me a headache.”
“The tuba is a stern mistress, but a rewarding one, for those with ears to hear her songs.”
“I’m sorry, folks, but I’m not accepting any requests tonight. This evening is dedicated in full to the memory of the Chairman of the Board, Mr. Francis Albert Sinatra.”
