Legal humor here. All cartoons here. and here
“Now, I know you all have a lot of questions about a lot of things, but first let me assure that retractable and non-retractable will be treated alike by me.”
“And, when it comes to butt-sniffing, well, we’re all adults here. No need to be squeamish, but no need to be fawning either. In other words, decorum yes, false modesty no.”
“As far as expense accounts go, rhinestone collars are out, out, out. I know the Fifis love ‘em, but the accountants don’t.”
“For all company picnics, the traditional 10 K run will be retained, but it will alternate with a new tradition, the 2-meter pounce.”
“And, remember, positive reinforcement is not a dirty word with me. I’ve got a great big bag of dog yummies and I’d love to have a reason to use them.”
“I simply can’t overemphasize the importance of designer flea and tick collars. Nothing spooks a client faster than something from Sergeant’s. I can spot ‘em from a mile away and the clients can too.”
“When you’re out with a client stay focused at all times. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want to see ending up on YouTube.”
“God bless Kibbles and Bits and God bless Tender Vittles. But we don’t want to be a pet food ghetto. I wouldn’t turn my nose up at anything human.”
“I know it’s hard for you guys to go after cars, but would I like to see a Mercedes Benz, or even a Mazda, walk in here? Yes I would.”
“Look I can be Hello Kitty and I can be Hello Leo. That’s entirely up to you. Just remember one thing: cats don’t beg.”
