Legal humor here. “I know you’d kill on the stand. That’s what I’m afraid of.” “Yeah, but I don’t think they’d want to know your ‘real name’.” “Now, remember: The jury wants to like you. You just have to let that happen.” “One more thing: Ixnay on the ghoulish laughter. A quiet…
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Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “My horoscope says watch out for falling cinderblocks. Why?” “Siri says ‘Cloudy today with chance of falling cinderblocks.’ That’s cute.” “We just have to show the building trades who’s boss in this town, that’s all. I mean, De Blasio ain’t LaGuardia, you know what I’m saying?” “The unions just…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “Okay, when I say ‘Jump!’ you jump! It’s not that hard!” “I miss the C train. It had brakes.” “Sure we pay a price, but the tracks belong to the people, damn it! The tracks belong to the people!” “If we had a TV, that would be nice. I…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “It’s been three days, sheriff! How’s that ‘head ’em off at the pass’ shit workin’ out for ya?” “Hey, sheriff! Are those horses you’re ridin’, or mules!” “Only two miles to the border, sheriff! Hope you like chili!” “What’s that you’re ridin’, sheriff? A rockin’ horse or a rockin’…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “ ‘You have to bring some to get some’ is not a part of our dharma.” “Lose the cap. And the attitude.” “It had best not be shag.” “That’s a whole lot of samsara you’ve got under your arm.” “Natural fibers only, please.” “Some folks are just…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “The bigger the man, the littler the shovel, sonny boy.” “In cases like this, leverage resolves the inequalities. You’ll find it in Archimedes.” “Don’t sweat the small shit, kid. That’s my job.” “Yeah, you make it clean, but I make it pretty.” “You got to swing the big…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “Yeah, I was once as you are. And as I am you will be. Makes you think, doesn’t it?” “You 3-D types are a joke! What’s the point in having volume when you lack breadth?” “Hey, don’t mind me! I’m invisible!” “Yeah, he who falls on this stone will…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “I’m part piranha, girlfriend. Don’t make me prove it.” “Hell, I’ll spawn right here. Like I give a fuck.” “Yeah, we were looking for Salmon Springs. Guess we took a wrong turn.” “Like the rest of the way up it’s bear country? That seems a little extreme.” “You could be eating some…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “Well, first of all, I’d really like a glass of water.” “All of a sudden it’s against the law to have teeth, is that it?” “What you call bait I call an hors d’oeuvre. It’s the fucking law of the sea.” “Hey, I bite a lot of things. Who remembers…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “’Cause daddy’s motherfuckin’ hungry, that’s why.” “Digitize this and have it on my desk by Monday.” “Break out the good mustard, girlfriend, because the white boys are having a party!” “It spoke to my inner Jew.” “Hold all my calls. For, like, forever.” “I’m redefining the hell out…