Mitch Daniels, Man of Steel

Is there anything more pathetic than a liberal like myself, who sees “his” President, Barack Obama, as the tool of both Wall Street and the CIA? Well, apparently there is, the fate of big-city conservatives like Ross Douthat and Bill Kristol, who are wetting their collective worsteds over the prospect of either Newt or Mitt becoming the 2012 Republican nominee. Bill’s latest brainwave is that Mitch Daniels should announce, which would be about a year too late, even if we ignore the fact that Daniels was pathetically unelectable from the get go, as he himself recognized when he took himself out of the race.

Ross assesses Mitch’s chances as follows: “The scenario [Kristol’s] seeking almost certainly won’t happen. But that’s very different from saying that it couldn’t, if someone, from Daniels to Jeb [Bush] to Bobby Jindal, were willing to step into the breach that caution has created, and cowardice has sustained.”

So Mitch is a coward for not having run, huh? If you’ll remember, Ross, Mitch didn’t run, in large part, because he was afraid of being called a pussy, because his wife Cheri divorced him and ran off to California to marry her high-school sweetheart, leaving Mitch to stay home in Indiana to raise their four daughters, returning a couple of years later to remarry Mitch after having divorced hubbie number two. Cheri also refused to make any campaign appearances with him in his two gubernatorial campaigns in 2004 and 2008.

Bill? Ross? Your hero is a guy who can’t control his wife? I thought Obama was supposed to be the sissy in this election.

Another thing, Ross. “Almost certainly won’t happen” is not “very different” from “couldn’t happen.” It’s almost the same.

Afterwords
Back in the day, the Wall Street Journal ran a piece on Cheri that ended with the following quote from Mitch:

“She is funnier than hell,” Mr. Daniels said. “And half the time she is ragging on me or making fun of me for something.”

She does sound funny, Mitch. Real funny. How often do you work late at the office? Every fucking day?

Late-Breaking Amusing Update
Jennifer Rubin, my fave fauve, my bête noire di tutti bêtes noires, is joining in the fun, running an open letter literally begging “sane Republican leaders”—a group that is apparently limited to Govs. Haley Barbour, Mitch Daniels, John Kasich, and Bobby Jindal; Sens. Jon Kyl, Marco Rubio and Jim DeMint; and Reps. Eric Cantor, Paul Ryan, and Mike Pence—to get up off their collective Republican rectums and put the kibosh on Newt Gingrich, whom she describes charmingly as “an egomaniac whose personal advancement takes precedence over any principle.” She suggests that they could either choose among themselves to be the Newt-slayer or else get behind either Mitt “Rich Man” Romney or Jim “Lost by 18 percentage points last time around” Santorum. Good luck with that, Jenny, and thanks for all the giggles.