In retrospect, while Mike and the Girls were funny, they weren’t all that. In the first place, they didn’t offer ’Becca’s full rant, and, as Thomas Mann long ago observed, “in the end, only the exhaustive is truly satisfying.” Furthermore, they were a bit too theatrical. They lacked the homemade, “my room” authenticity of a seriously viral vid.
The simple fact is, the new videos are better, which is why I am reposting them here, along with comment.
First up is Amy Davy
I don’t know who Amy is, but she’s terrific. From start to finish, she maintains a tone of barely contained rage, as if she’s so mad she’s on the very edge of tears—tears of wrath, that is, not of weakness. Her finger pointing is great and her table slams are beautifully paced and pack an emotional punch. The bleeping only costs her about 1 percent of the impact of ’Becca’s fury.
Next is Emma Tattenbaum-Fine
Emma is a little more laid back—so cool that her act is more about contempt than rage. Those sniveling asshats can drag Delta Gamma down, but they really can’t hurt Emma. The totally random guy sitting in the back and reading a book through the whole thing is a unique touch.
Lauren Reeves is our third ’Becca
https://youtu.be/PwRtcsBKROk
Lauren gets a serious Valley Girl thing going, which is probably not authentic UofM but it works perfectly. Since Lauren has clearly had no problem talking to boys since she was about two, her tone of contempt is especially crushing—“It’s not my fucking fault you’re not as cool as I am, it’s yours!” Lauren has a great time with the whiny bitch voices of the offending asswipes.
Kelsey Cook offers both imitation and analysis
https://youtu.be/w6IOdVvkLns
Some of Kelsey’s rap is a bit predictable—making fun of ’Becca for not using the word “literally” correctly—but she does a nice riff on the ineffable “cunt punt,” noting that up until now no one had ever uttered that phrase, because up until now no one had been “so filled with hate.” She also identifies the “rare disease” that causes girls to compulsively act in a ’Becca-offending manner—“notawhoreitis.”
I have laughed at every Hitler’s Bunker riff I’ve ever seen, and this one was no exception
Poor Adolph just wants to talk to his sisters and do fun things. And why should he have to cheer for a team named after a fucking turtle? And you should see the matchup ’Becca gave him. What a jizz mop!
“2Chainzchick” is short and perfect.
A good-natured, life-affirming airhead, she’s in character as “Nicola” even before her bit starts, checking herself in the camera and muttering “I look huge.” Nicola totally does not like where ’Becca is coming from. Fortunately for ’Becca, Nicola has to study for, or at least take, a “women in Africa” exam, because otherwise she would get her bloated ass on a plane, catch up with ’Becca and set her chunky butt down to watch Rudy, which I guess is a film about the importance of sportsmanship,* second only to “sister love” in Nicola’s book.
Finally, ‘Becca gets all ‘Becca on the U.S. Senate for bailing on gun control (via ScrunchProductions)
This tracks the original nicely and, even if gun-control isn’t quite the no-brainer the clip assumes it to be, the sight of a sorority girl showering contempt on the “fucking awkward” U.S. Senate and belaboring its fondness for doling out “reach arounds” to the NRA is charming.
What does “SOR me” mean? The best guess I’ve seen on the Internet is “report me to the Student Organization Representative [Committee] for misbehavior,’ which would seem a likely response to cunt-punting.
In the real world, poor ’Becca has been both outed and forced to resign from Delta Gamma. You would think that a girl like ’Becca has read, and giggled over, a hundred, if not a thousand, “private” emails. But nothing stirs up the id like sitting down before a computer.
*I missed every cultural reference in this video except “Chipotle’s.”
