Legal humor here. “This way, we have the best of both worlds. I have what I want, and, well, frankly, that’s as far as I’ve gotten. But you know what? It feels good!” “‘I can’t turn my back on you for a minute, can I?’ You know something, hunbun? You didn’t know the half of…
Author: Alan Vanneman
Henry Kissinger’s World Order—the silk stocking full of shit at 90
Henry’s actually 91 rather than 90, but I doubt if he’ll miss the extra birthday. And, in any event, I always choose euphony over accuracy when given the choice. Since we’re talking accuracy, Napoleon was in fact talking about, and to, Talleyrand when he delivered the memorable insult given above, while Henry’s fave rave was…
“Science” Marches “On”
A couple of weeks ago, the Washington Post served up, um, a “Whopper” of an article titled “How a national food policy could save millions of American lives,” an article so big that it required four authors, to wit: Mark Bittman, an opinion columnist and food writer for the New York Times; Michael Pollan, who…
Pseudo New Yorker
Legal humor here. “He said ‘Tell them that the last time you saw me, I was singing ‘Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds’.’ He appeared to find that quite amusing.” “I’m sorry, but every time you call, he just says ‘SHAZAM’ and takes off.” “You were right, Madge. They did give him a key to…
MONK’estra plays Monk
“Little Rootie Tootie,” to be precise SAX: Bob Sheppard, Jeff Driskill, Justo Almario, Tom Luer, Tommy Peterson TRUMPET: Bijon Watson, Willie Murillo, Ray Monterio, Brian Swartz, Gabe Johnson TROMBONE: Francisco Torres, Wendell Kelly, Steve Hughes, Ryan Dragon BASS: Rickey Minor DRUMS: Gary Novak KEYBOARDS/MELODICA: John Beasley Additional musicians: Dwight Trible, Nayanna Holley, Andy Martin, Tony…
“Hey! Hey! Read all about it! An Oklahoma Oilman’s Billion-Dollar Divorce! Harold Hamm to Pay One of the Biggest Divorce Settlements in History! Read all about it!”
Harold Hamm started up way the hard way—thirteenth child of a family of sharecroppers. Now he’s sitting on the oil rights to about a million acres of what geologists call the Bakken Formation, worth about $18 billion. Some folks might think that $18 billion should buy a man a little respect. But for the New…
The Mysterious Rand Paul: What is his secret?
How does Rand Paul do it? How does he say things that would sink any other politician and get away with it? Politico’s Sam Youngman is the latest intrepid journalist to explore this baffling mystery, ultimately confessing, like so many before him, that it’s just a damn enigma, but that, surely, surely, wise-guy Rand will…
Charlie Chaplin and the Mutuals: Third Time’s the Charm!
In 1914 Charlie Chaplin was hired by Mack Sennett to replace outgoing star Ford Sterling at Sennett’s Keystone Pictures for $7500 a year. Two years later, Charlie was making $600,000 a year at Mutual Pictures. The fruits of that $600,000—12 two-reel comedies traditionally known as “the Mutuals”—have been stunningly restored to what is probably “beyond…
Thunk!—“Off Minor”
https://youtu.be/ScyQ96TIcyU This thoroughly Monkish group features Stephen Gauci, tenor sax; Kenny Wessel, guitar; Michael Bisio, bass; and Jeremy Carlstedt, drums. Arranged, and posted, by Stephen Gauci.
Michiko Kakutani does the (almost) impossible; she makes me feel sorry for President Obama
After Richard Nixon resigned from the presidency, almost everyone who ever knew him lined up to say what a shit he was. Moaned Richard Cohen, “I hate Richard Nixon’s friends. They make me feel sorry for Richard Nixon.”1 Well, Barack Obama is no Richard Nixon, and I don’t hate him, but still. I don’t like…