(OK, I understand that, on the web, 5 seconds ago is so 5 minutes ago, so, by that count, the following is a hundred years old, but so what.)
I was just cruising n’ perusing my sometime man Dave Wiegel today, who, I found, took issue last week with “The media’s stupid coverage of a Republican staffer’s opinion”—to wit, House Republican staffer Elizabeth Lauten’s infamous takedown of the Obama girls’ less than perfect oncamera behavior during Dad’s sparing of the White House Thanksgiving turkey.
According to Dave, “Lauten erred in criticizing the first daughters, insofar as she was a communications pro who did not get the invisible memo that no one is supposed to attack political children (here are exceptions), but her bigger error was doing this during a news lull.” You know something, Dave, I think I’ve found an even bigger error: Her post was TOTALLY FUCKING RACIST!
Here, IMHO, as we say on the web, is how an aging, dispassionate honkie such as myself might be disposed to deconstruct Lauten’s memo.
Yo, black girls! Yeah, I’m talking to you! Hey, I know you black kids don’t know about this sort of thing, but we white people have something we call manners, and you could really benefit from learning about them, like, for example, 16-year-old girls shouldn’t dress like hos. That’s how you people talk, isn’t it?
See, the rule is, when you’re in the White House, you’re supposed to act like you’re white. That’s why we named it that.
Now, I know you think I’m being mean, but I’m not. See, I know that your parents are pretty shitty people, which means that they’re probably pretty shitty parents, which is probably why you’re pretty shitty kids. So I’m not really judging you. I just wish you weren’t in the White House. Because you’re not white.
Your Republican friend,
Lizzie Lauten
Afterwords
Am I being too hard on Ms. Lauten? Yeah, by maybe one half of one percent. Her posting was truly disgusting and truly awful, and truly, truly racist. In the meantime, Dave (remember him?) is telling us that conservatives will consider Lizzie to be a “martyr”—because, apparently, if you launch a condescending, racist attack on the president’s daughters, and his wife, and the president himself, and the media publicizes it, by Republican standards, you’re a martyr.
