Legal humor here
“No, your master should not have left ten pounds of lasagna just sitting there, and, yes, it is your job to teach him a lesson. But perhaps you should have learned a lesson as well.”
“Obviously, cat nip was the wrong way to go.”
“I’m sorry, Jeffy, but the science is rock solid on this one. Toilet water is a stone-cold no-no.”
“If you eat like a human you’re going to die like a human. Is that what you want?”
“Ideally, dog yummies should constitute no more than 15% percent of your diet, not 50%.”
“And, one more thing. ‘No more cigars’ means “no more cigars’. And, yes, chewing counts.”
“I tell my patients not to eat anything with more than four legs. Taking that extra few seconds to count can make a big difference.”
“Briefly, never take something from a human that you wouldn’t give to another dog.”
“I know it’s a sweet gig, but you’re just not cut out to be a lapdog. You should be out chasing squirrels, not eating petit fours.”
“Well, damn it, make him take you for a walk! Be firm! Who’s the dog in your house, anyway?”
