Legal humor here
“What do you mean you’re out of goldfish? I crawled twelve fucking blocks and you’re fucking out of fucking goldfish? Jesus fucking Christ!”
“No Happy Hour? I am so out of here!”
“Two Cosmos, please. On a second thought, make it three.”
“You drained my life’s blood, Louie, so you may as well get my corpse.”
“As a matter if fact, I was going to offer to trade a map to a fabulous gold mine for a cold beer, but since you’re going to be so snotty about it, let’s forget the whole thing.“
"Bonwit Teller’s is three blocks down?”
“Yes, ‘shaken not stirred’! It makes a fucking difference!”
“Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter
In sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles,
Thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb.
If Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter,
Can thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb,
See thou, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles,
Thrust not three thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.
"Satisfied? Or should I entertain you with a few choruses of 'Modern Major General’ while you fix that goddamn appletini the way I goddamn like it?”
“As a matter if fact, I do have a right to sing the blues.”
“You got slot machines, right?”
