Legal humor here.
“I know you’d kill on the stand. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think they’d want to know your ‘real name’.”
“Now, remember: The jury wants to like you. You just have to let that happen.”
“One more thing: Ixnay on the ghoulish laughter. A quiet chuckle will work wonders. Trust me on this one.”
“You don’t need your scythe. I’m your scythe.”
“Don’t sweat it! He’s Hamilton Burger, I’m Perry Mason. Get it? He’s Hamilton Burger, I’m Perry Mason. Perry Fucking Mason.”
“Okay, maybe you better not smile.”
“Well, it will be kind of like Judge Judy. But not a whole lot.”
“Let me be clear: Nothing reminds you of anything. And, in particular, nothing reminds you of the time you whacked someone, not even Hitler. Let’s just not use ‘whack’ at all. You don’t even know what it means, okay?”
“Another ixnay: ‘Et in Arcadia Ego’ jokes. Even if Hoffman spoke Latin, he still wouldn’t get it.”
