Norm MacDonald: Try being funny.
Cory Booker: Try being not stupid. If you (and the Democrats) are lucky Hurricane Florence will erase all memory of this self-generated cycone o’ shit that now swirls about you. Fortunately, only political junkies were following the Kavanaugh hearings in the first place, and, even better, even fewer Americans know what the fuck “I am Spartacus” is supposed to mean, and, of that number, even fewer could figure out what the fuck “I am Spartacus” was supposed to mean when you said it. I mean, if you did a Venn diagram on this—and you probably should—you’ll find that half the people who know you said “I am Spartacus” felt you were saying “I am an asshole.” So the next time you feel like being brave, try sky-diving, or go shoot a grizzly bear. I mean, keep it simple, so that those of us who aren’t students of Stanley Kubrick’s œuvre will know what the fuck you’re talking about. Got that?
Justice Clarence Thomas: Are you a brother’s keeper? So what if Cory Booker made a fool of himself over Kavanaugh? Did you say anything when presidential candidate Donald Trump said he couldn’t get a fair trial from an Hispanic judge? Huh? I could also remind you that a lot of people, including me, think you lied under oath when you said you didn’t talk dirty to Anita Hill (even though some of them, including me, think 1) it was petty of her to make the charge and 2) your behavior, while self-indulgent and banal, was not disqualifying).
Diane Feinstein: I sort have the impression that you don’t care about Judge Kavanaugh’s high school romances, but were sort of forced to pass on this mysterious letter to the Justice Department. Well, who knows, but it all looks stunningly lame. Pray that Florence is really, really bad, with hours and hours of fabulous visuals.
