I confess that I haven’t been keeping up with Ann Coulter much these days, for the simple reason that I have a life! Shuffleboard season is almost upon us—I refer, of course, to “deck shuffleboard”—real shuffleboard—not that banal travesty known as “table shuffleboard”—and those cues won’t polish themselves. Fortunately, the American Conservative’s Rod Dreher has been keeping track, and posts the results in a literal trifecta of both conscious and unconscious folly, “Trump’s Twitter Madness”, collecting Donald Trump’s latest hysterical, foam-flecked outburst of tweets, together with Ann’s latest hysterical, foam-flecked replies, accompanied by furious head-nodding on Rod’s part.
As I say, I haven’t been keeping up with Ann, but sometime over the past year or so, one guesses, she parted from Cap’n Two Scoops on no uncertain terms. What’s really ticking Ann off these days is Trump’s foam-flecked vendetta against former attorney general Jeff Sessions, currently running to recapture his Senate seat in Alabama in the Republican primary against former football coach Tommy Tuberville. Ann is convinced, for reasons unknown to me, though she may very well be right, that Tommy will be a guaranteed loser in November, but this is how she phrases her objections to Trump’s advocacy on his behalf:
The most disloyal actual retard that has ever set foot in the Oval Office is trying to lose AND take the Senate with him.
In another tweet Ann refers to Trump as “a complete moron of a president”, and in a third she says “COVID gave Trump a chance to be a decent, compassionate human being (or pretending to be). But he couldn’t even do that.”
Okay, some of us might think that Gatlin’ Gun Annie, as I like to call her, would have a hard time pretending to be a “decent, compassionate human being” herself, but I guess that’s a sneer for another occasion. The real story that emerges from the full series of tweets is that, according to Ann, Trump brought all, or almost all, of his legal troubles ensuing from the Mueller investigation on himself by bragging about firing FBI Director James Comey as a way to shut down the “Russian investigation”, that Sessions did the right thing by recusing himself from the investigation, and that Trump was, well, a complete moron for thinking it was Sessions’ job to serve as Trump’s lawyer and to treat the entire U.S. Department of Justice as part of the president’s “defense team”.1
Unsurprisingly, the big reason Ann is mad at Donny is that he hasn’t built the damn wall, which idiot Annie, bless her peroxide-addled skull, actually thought, and still thinks, is a good idea, and which double idiot Annie actually thought Donny had any intention of building, and which frequent though not invariable idiot Rod Dreher also thinks is a good idea. The most obvious thing about Donald Trump is that he speaks the truth literally by accident: everything he says is intended to promote the gratification of his desires as he experiences them at that moment and has no relation to any future event. He “means” nothing: he only wants. If saying that he will built a beautiful multi-billion dollar wall and make Mexico pay for it makes people cheer him, then Mission Accomplished! Wall? What wall? Where’s my cake?
Afterwords
Be sure to catch up with Annie at her blog, Complete Fucking Morons R Us.
1. Of course, Bill Barr, our new attorney general, took care of that little problem real quick.
