I’ve always been a fan of capitalism, even though it sure hasn’t been making me rich these days, but if you want a picture of Wall Street’s seamy side, check out James J. Cramer’s cri de cœur, “Last One Left, Please Turn Out the Lights—Wall Street is in the midst of its biggest, ugliest, worst round of layoffs in decades,” in this week’s New York Magazine.
Cramer’s richly entertaining outburst is always revealing, sometimes intentionally so, and sometimes not. I’ve never seen Jim in person—apparently he’s on a TV show called Mad Money and he does his best to live up to the title—but I’m guessing that, much like Wall Street itself, he’s a bit of a manic-depressive. According to Jim, things are worse than ever—the Street’s like a four-engine bomber with all props feathered. There’s only one direction for this sick bird, and that’s down, baby, down!
Well, maybe so, but I’m not quite ready to start investing in precious metals. But what’s really, um, precious about Jim’s diatribe is the details. A mere week or two ago Jim had it up hard for “JPMorgan—the firm that seemed to pants the Fed and Treasury when it snapped up Bear Stearns for a pittance”—“pants” apparently Wall Streetese for “fuck over.” Yeah, but that was so last week, as Jim tells it. “Well, it now appears possible that Morgan may have grossly underestimated how terrible the Bear bond portfolio may be. … For those of us looking to Morgan as the best-capitalized play on Wall Street after Goldman, one that could emerge as a strong player when things get better, the possibility that the Fed got the better end of the deal is chilling.” Yes, because that’s why we have a federal government, so financiers can exploit it!*
Afterwords
Not everyone on the Street is a fan of Jim’s. In New York’s comment section, one Dirk Diggler (probably a pseudonym) writes as follows:
james, we don’t all get the opportunity to jump around on tv like a monkey and make insulated stock picks for an imaginary fund. thestreet.com participated very well in the boom, you were one of the lucky ones to get a payday, not everyone hits the lotto. i sometimes watch mad money, besides your incessant pawning of your book and your pandering (like suze orman) to the everyman, your picks are virtually worthless, i challenge you, two years, 200k, we’ll see who outperforms, all proceeds to charity.
*And if Big Jim is right about the Bear’s portfolio, I’m really going to enjoy helping to cough up the $30 billion the U.S. Treasury will need to cover Morgan’s losses!
