Now, it’s true that Yahweh could cut up pretty rough—the frequent slaughters visited on the Philistines being an excellent example—but much of what we think of as the “Christian” spirit really comes from the Psalms and the Prophets, particularly Amos and Isaiah (Ezekiel, not so much).
As for the New Testament, I’m sorry to bust Samantha’s bubble, but Jesus was pretty handy with a curse. Check him out at Matthew 1-:14–16, telling the apostles how to handle skeptics: “And if any one will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town. Truly, I say unto you, it shall be no more tolerable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorroh than for that town.” He likes this gag so much he repeats it at Matthew 11:20–24.
I always thought this was particularly hard of Jesus, since the apostles themselves don’t often get where he’s coming from—and he invariably gives them hell for it—so how are civilians supposed to keep up?
Oh, yeah, this entry was supposed to be about Doonesberry, right? Well, after Samantha goes on about what a Sweetie Jesus was, she adds that he only really “snaps” with the moneylenders (Matthew 21:12). “They do tend to set people off, don’t they?” deadpans the Rev.
Well, first of all, the “moneylenders” were really “money changers,” who exchanged “Gentile” coins for coins acceptable at the Hebrew temple in Jerusalem. (The Oxford Annotated Bible will fill you in if you want more background.)
It was the priests who were charging for salvation, something all religions tend to do. Referring to the money changers as moneylenders is a classic anti-Semitic slur, one that Trudeau would have done well to avoid. Furthermore, while Wall Street’s financiers have covered themselves ignominy, which they richly deserve, for doing their level best to drive the entire world’s economy off a cliff, the fact is that money lending is an absolutely essential activity, and, yes, charging interest is moral. Put down the torches, Gary, and grow the fuck up.
