~~~The New Yorker

For official humor, go here.

“Shit, Bob was a vegan! This thing’s taking no prisoners at all!”

“‘Eat your vegetables or they’ll eat you’? ‘At least he’s eating local’? ‘That’s one ugly piece of asparagus’? Is that all you can say?”

“You remember The Thing? I mean the original, the one directed by Howard Hawks, with Jim Arness as the Thing? He was supposed to be a vegetable too. It’s funny, the things that run through your mind at a time like this.”

“Yes, I do hope your precious Sierra Club has the balls to put this one on their next fucking calendar, but somehow I fucking doubt it.”

“Well, did we do too much for the environment or not enough? I hate for everything to end like this, with all the salient moral issues so unresolved.”

“Strictly speaking, I guess he’s not a vegetable. So I guess the vegetarians are off the hook on this one.”

“Well, maybe he was preserved in a glacier or something. Shit, how the hell should I know?”

“I guess we have failed as a civilization. But I still don’t see how we’ve deserved this.”

“Newt Gingrich did not predict this! Where do you get that shit?”

“Unless King Kong shows up, I think we’re definitely screwed.”