So not the New Yorker

For official humor, go here.

“You don’t need a helmet. You’ve got a halo. That takes care of everything.”

“Yeah, I was expecting an English racer too.”

“Welcome to Hell, dude. Yeah, that’s right, Hell. You didn’t believe in global warming either, did you? Here’s how it’s going to be, for all eternity: only one gear, a rusty chain, and you’re always going uphill. Oh, and I hope you like tofu.”

“No, don’t complain to God about it. You know why? You know what he’ll say? ‘We were out of wings’. He thinks that’s funny.”

“What’s cool is, up here, they’re babe magnets.”

“What’s really neat is that you don’t need a playing card to make it sound like a motorcycle.”

“If you’re a saint you get a Bentley. I think they should have told us that.”

“We used to call ourselves Heaven’s Angels but that got old. If you’ve got something better I’d love to hear it.”

“After He saw ‘ET’ God just thought, you know, ‘bicycles for everyone’. Back then it seemed right. Of course, that was then, but try telling Him that.”

“Also, you never get a flat, and the spokes are like super easy to replace.”