Constantly not the New Yorker

Legal humor here.

“I’m not splitting hairs. You’re sitting next to her. It’s your job to ask her.”

“No, I’m not worried. Why the hell should I be? I can type!”

“I think she’s supposed to have a soothing effect on the rest of us, but I totally don’t see it.”

“When they hatch, they hatch? Well, you’re blasé.”

“Yeah, sure, one is fine. One is fine, but one is also plenty, if you catch my drift.”

“No, she doesn’t understand English, but she reads body language like all get out, so, you know, no gesticulating, unless you want to get your eyes pecked out.”

“Remember the hamster? The hamster was worse.”

“Yeah, but who’s supposed to take the eggs away from her? And what happens when they do take the eggs away from her? I think there’s going to be a whole lot of shakin’ goin’ on, and I don’t want to be the one who gets shook.”

“She hasn’t said anything about me, has she?”

“There weren’t any chickens here when Reagan was president, you can bet on that.”