Pseudo-New Yorker

Legal humor here.

“‘If it wasn’t San Andreas fault, whose was it?’ Wow, girlfriend, I walked into that one eyes wide open.”

“Did the earth move for me too? Totally.”

“No wonder they were so anxious to sell.”

“They’re not widening, they’re closing. In a month, you won’t even notice them.”

“Why does this shit have to happen on the weekend?”

“An act of God? Where do you get that? If this was an act of God, there would be Hellfire and demons with pitchforks.”

“Carpeting would be iffy, but not impossible, if we do it right.”

“We don’t have tsunamis in Kansas, right?”

“Well, I think it is time to get rid of the cats.”

“I’m not petrified with fear. I’m being judicious. And I can do that while lying down.”

“Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning, eh?”