Pseudo New Yorker

Legal humor here.

“Well, you must have done something to provoke him. Usually they’re quite timid.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll take care of the invitations. Today!”

“Let’s see you and your friends at the Heartland Institute laugh off this one!”

“I meant, I hope I get my deposit back because this place will have such bad memories for me. Jesus Christ, do you have to take exception to everything I say?”

“God damn it! What next!”

“Seriously, Helen, I’d be completely out of my depth. I haven’t looked at a cephalopod in years.”

“Okay, I’m baffled. I mean, they never show up before July at the earliest.”

“What are you yelling at me for?”

“Okay, I admit it. I don’t feel that I signed up for this one. Your mother, the economy, … I’m sorry, Helen, but this is one act of God too many.”

“NO, I’m not thinking about how I’m going to go over on Letterman. I’m thinking about how a 40-year-old man is supposed to handle a 20-ton octopus, and I’m not coming up with any good answers.”