Pseudo-New Yorker. Pigs can talk! And humans too!

Well, they can. But mostly pigs. Because I guess it’s funnier. Legal humor here.

“I’ll cover my genitals when you cover your mouth, honey. Your tonsils are uglier than my balls.”

“Lady, you stop busting my chops. Your sign don’t say ‘Human Complaints.’ It says ‘Complaints.’”

“Yeah, well it may be fine with Farmer Brown, but it ain’t so fine with me. You’re in the big city now, Porky. But on some damn clothes.”

“How can you believe a talking pig? Maybe you mean, how can you not believe a talking pig.”

“She was about my height and about my build. I mean, for Christ’s sake, how many pigs do you get around here?”

“I don’t want to get all Animal Farm on your ass, but some of us are more equal than others, if you catch my drift. Let’s just say my uncle’s name is Snowball.”

“I just wanted a ribbon for my wife’s tail, that’s all. Why is that so hard? I mean, Bloomie’s can’t accessorize a corkscrew? What’s up with that?”

“One of your staff tried to sell me ham in a can. Do the words ‘sensitivity training’ mean anything to you people at all?”

“I’m naked because nothing in this damn store will fit me, that’s why I’m naked.”

“Is it against the law to be an eighteen in this place? And another thing. Your plus sizes aren’t plus sizes. They’re tents.”