Pseudo New Yorker

Legal humor here.

“Stop whining! Get it right and we’ll make them forget all about Snooki!”

“This is going to be huge. I can feel it.”

“Yeah, I was thinking ‘Gangnam Style’ too, but, you know, more intense. Can we hire that guy?”

“OK, I know this a lot to take in all at once. That’s Mom and Dad on my left, and that’s sis at the foot of the bed. We call that old guy ‘Pop,’ but he’s really just a consultant. Anyway, it’ll be thumbs up or thumbs down in a matter of hours. I mean, worst case scenario, you’ve had an honest roll in the hay, no strings attached. That’s not so bad, is it?”

“Yeah, I think you crushed it. You think you crushed it. But does America think you crushed it?”

“In my family, Barry, we do things right, or we don’t do them at all.”

“You had me at ‘Hello,’ but now you’ve lost me.”

“Dude, my name is Lindsey Fucking Lohan. My life is a publicity stunt.”

“I love your ass, Barry, but the camera doesn’t. It’s that simple. Nobody ever said porno wasn’t cutthroat.”

“All the world’s a stage, Barry, and the men and women, merely players. But I have to tell you, it’s going to be my script.”