Who’s worse, Leon Panetta or the New York Times?

Okay, not the whole New York Times. I mean, their food criticism is pretty bitchin’, and their coverage of the fashion scene is consistently awesome, but when it comes to world events, they’re not so hot. A case in point is a recent “article” attributed to Thom Shanker and David E. Sanger bearing the head “Movement of Missiles by North Korea Worries U.S.,” which should be headed “Ululating Asshole Leon Panetta Pretends to be Worried by North Korea.” According to Thom and Dave

The discovery by American intelligence agencies that North Korea is moving mobile missile launchers around the country, some carrying a new generation of powerful rocket, has spurred new assessments of the intentions of the country’s young new leader, Kim Jong-un, who has talked about economic change but appears to be accelerating the country’s ability to attack American allies or forces in Asia, and ultimately to strike across the Pacific.

If you’re as old as I am, you can remember Charles “Cabbage-head Charlie” Krauthammer ululating about North Korean missiles striking “across the Pacific” back in the Nineties. If we don’t vote out Clinton, Honolulu will be ashes! In the Oughties, of course, North Korea became part of the “Axis of Evil,” and now, apparently, they’re at it again.

“Who the hell knows what they’re going to do from day to day?” our ululating SecDef told Thom and Dave. “And right now, you know, North Korea just fired a missile. It’s an intercontinental ballistic missile, for God sakes. That means they have the capability to strike the United States.”

For God sakes indeed.* According to Thom and Dave, “After he spoke, Pentagon officials said Mr. Panetta did not mean to imply that North Korea could now hit the continental United States, although intelligence and military assessments have said that Hawaii is within range.” Uh-huh. Someone ought to take away Leon’s Scotch, particularly when he’s going to be talking to reporters. And someone ought to tell Thom and Dave that if they’re going to write press releases for the Secretary of Defense, they ought to do it on the government’s dime.

Afterwords
Who the hell knows what North Korea is going to do from day to day, Leon? I can tell you. The same thing they’ve been doing for decades, oppressing their people, making threats, and doing nothing. They’ve been pretending to threaten world peace for decades, and hypocrites like you have been pretending to buy it.

I’ve written pretty extensively on Leon’s career, both as SecDef and head of the CIA.† Who appointed this schmuck, anyway?

*Leon probably meant “for God’s sake,” but, you know, the guy is emotional about this.

†To find them, just search for “Leon Douchebag Panetta”.