“Several people suggested that I see you, so I guess we both have bad taste—I in friends and you in clients.”
“What is life without risk? Seriously. I may die tomorrow but I’ll have lived today. Eat each meal as though it were your last. That doesn’t mean I have trouble accepting boundaries. It means I have trouble accepting bullshit.”
“Vegetables are the worst. My dad used to go out with a different stalk of asparagus every night. I get stiffed by rutabagas. And it’s not just me. All my friends are the same way.”
“I have this dream, like the whole world is swimming in butter. And everyone loves me! And then I wake up and I’m sleeping with a piece of dry toast. I know I should have more control. On the inside, I’m a better egg than that. But on the outside, not so much.”
“They wanted me to be an egg-beater. I told her, ‘girlfriend, you can’t beat eggs.’ I know it was way over her head, but these days, I just don’t care.”
“Suppose someone told you ‘You’re not lean enough’? You’d be pissed, right? Same thing. I told her, ‘honey, I got the cholesterol to make your backbone crack.’ Apparently, that’s harassment.”
“Seriously, Doc, we’ve got a lot in common, a hell of a lot. And I didn’t have to go to Harvard to come up with that one.”
“Okay, how about this? We get together with a bunch of spinach and some Mornay sauce. Does that paint a picture?”
“Do I ever think about hatching? That’s a good one. What’s wrong with eternal youth, Doc? I like it just fine. You can tell all the king’s horses and all the king’s men that I’ll call them when I need them. This egg don’t hatch/”
“Anger management issues? Hell yes. You’d have ‘em too if you were a walking pun factory, like me.”
